I have been creating all day – nothing huge – did some framing and made some bookmarks out of old watercolors.
Tomorrow I will take a new picture of this work first called “Blue Night” and what I have done to it…….cut it down added paper and framed it. Named it Rock, Paper, Scissors
Have been calm……..connected to God ………….unlike yesterday when I got caught up in all things earthly.
I recieved an email from Orian Mountain Dreamer – seems she is writing a novel during her sabatacal (sp?) I am reading her book “The Call” right now and am not sure why I haven’t read “The Dance”………..will have to order this from the library. I have never read anyone who I related to so much. She can say things with such expression and beautiful words. I realize what a writer really is. Each sentence is full of description and feeling. She is a gift. My friend Marty gave me her book “The Invitation” when Brent passed away.
Then I bought “What We Ache For” (Creativity and the unfolding of Your Soul) and have read it twice……..
Getting ready for the show at Hidden Valley taking place on Thanksgiving weekend here in Muskoka…………the leaves will be perfect.
I was up to the cemetary yesterday, the first time this year left a butterfly (glass) at the stone on Brent’s grave…………..t’was Grace that set him free!!!!!!!!
So Creativity really does work like a meditation for me and I need to “make the connection”
these sticks where given to me by a friend and I have had fun painting them; the two on either side of the copper one are stained.
Next 3 are purple green and blue……….
There are 3 Black sticks here (within these 2 pictures) although they look almost dark blue and then the two on either side of this black on are stained.
I have been reading Jane Fonda’s book “My life so far” and she is talking about her experience of turning 60 and calls it the 3rd Act. A good metiphor for an actress and so I am looking at what I will start to use as my “act 3″ ……………..the final chapter ? It occurs to me that this next part of my life is much more important than I ever thought it would be. In may in fact it be the most important part. Perhaps not the most memorable or the most precious but definatly the most important.
I find I edit what I write, and perhaps I need to edit however I find it constraining and think it is why I don’t write as much as I would like. And so I am going to make an effort to write more.
Life seems to be so busy and seems to go so much faster and I suppose I thought it should slow down a bit. As I was writing a sort of “life story” a few months back (or last year??) I found myself stopped. I wondered if it really mattered (telling the story) because again I was editing.
Can’t tell the whole truth???????? then why tell it at all?? I suppose someday someone may want to know it all…………….I came to a place of believing that “I am not my story” I am not that person any longer and yet here I am approaching my 60th birthday wondering who I am now and who I am still becoming……….a work in progress.
I feel a need of a transition into the next part of my life and perhaps that is what I am in now….it is my experience that when I am in the middle of “something” I cannot always see clearly, what I am suppose to see. Retreats used to do that for me…….for the first 10 yrs of recovery I was able to go to Reatreats at the Holy Cross Center on Lake Erie (no longer there) I think that being able to “take a step back” a retreat in other words, is what can enable us to see what it is that is in process in our lives.
Now next week I am going to a retreat however I am cooking for the 3 days and so it will not be a “retreat” in the way that I am feeling I need. However when I get back from the retreat I will be leaving for Southampton and an art course, my last one in this past 6 month process. I have a room on the shores of Lake Huron and so perhaps this will be more like a retreat for me.
The drive there will be an interesting and emotional one. I haven’t been over that way for 3 years, Stayner, Wasaga Beach, Collingwood and Owen Sound all places Brent and I spent so much time. And as “Grace/God” would have it , it will be our anniversary. (September 21st)
So as I write this I realize that it will be a special trip. Perhaps a further “letting go” a further and perhaps different “grieving” …………… I am grateful for this coming experience.