I have been reading Jane Fonda’s book “My life so far” and she is talking about her experience of turning 60 and calls it the 3rd Act. A good metiphor for an actress and so I am looking at what I will start to use as my “act 3″ ……………..the final chapter ? It occurs to me that this next part of my life is much more important than I ever thought it would be. In may in fact it be the most important part. Perhaps not the most memorable or the most precious but definatly the most important.
I find I edit what I write, and perhaps I need to edit however I find it constraining and think it is why I don’t write as much as I would like. And so I am going to make an effort to write more.
Life seems to be so busy and seems to go so much faster and I suppose I thought it should slow down a bit. As I was writing a sort of “life story” a few months back (or last year??) I found myself stopped. I wondered if it really mattered (telling the story) because again I was editing.
Can’t tell the whole truth???????? then why tell it at all?? I suppose someday someone may want to know it all…………….I came to a place of believing that “I am not my story” I am not that person any longer and yet here I am approaching my 60th birthday wondering who I am now and who I am still becoming……….a work in progress.
I feel a need of a transition into the next part of my life and perhaps that is what I am in now….it is my experience that when I am in the middle of “something” I cannot always see clearly, what I am suppose to see. Retreats used to do that for me…….for the first 10 yrs of recovery I was able to go to Reatreats at the Holy Cross Center on Lake Erie (no longer there) I think that being able to “take a step back” a retreat in other words, is what can enable us to see what it is that is in process in our lives.
Now next week I am going to a retreat however I am cooking for the 3 days and so it will not be a “retreat” in the way that I am feeling I need. However when I get back from the retreat I will be leaving for Southampton and an art course, my last one in this past 6 month process. I have a room on the shores of Lake Huron and so perhaps this will be more like a retreat for me.
The drive there will be an interesting and emotional one. I haven’t been over that way for 3 years, Stayner, Wasaga Beach, Collingwood and Owen Sound all places Brent and I spent so much time. And as “Grace/God” would have it , it will be our anniversary. (September 21st)
So as I write this I realize that it will be a special trip. Perhaps a further “letting go” a further and perhaps different “grieving” …………… I am grateful for this coming experience.